Ninja vs Pirates
by Keiran
Summary: How the NinjaPirates conflict was resolved... GW style! 1x2 hints. Oneshot.


Author: Keiran  
Title: Ninja vs. Pirates  
Rating: PG  
Genre: humour  
Pairings: 1+2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. The following is strictly for entertainment purposes.  
Archive: Gundam Wing Diaries. For the record, I have an "Ask and you shall receive" policy.

Notes: B-day ficlet, written for Tyria Darklighter.

Thanks to the Amazing Shenlong Deb, for betaing!

xxx.XXX.xxx

The ship rocked lazily in the moonlight. The night was calm, all moonshine and little splashes against the hull. Not even a rat stirred in the silence.

And, considering the setting, that was saying a major something.

The fashionable black rugged sails swayed gently, partially because of the breeze and partially because of the rocking. Captain Romefeller the Terrifying had to ransack three little villages along the coast to be able to afford them. No surprise, really – the tears and jagged edges required the work of several skilled tailors, and a suitably swishy substitute for silk was not yet discovered. These sails were, quite understandably, all the rage these days. Granted, the cost was high, but the psychological effects were more than worth it, for a pirate who took pride in his craft.

Captain Romefeller the Terrifying was proud of his ship, the Magnificent Malevolence, also known as the Bloody Bitch. He was assured that his lady could withstand anything, an attack from these pansy landlubbers, the ninjas, included. This was the precise reason the Bitch was anchored in the small lagoon. The appointment was set for the next morning – the ultimate showdown between the pirates and ninja. The conflict had been going on for a while now, irritating the former immeasurably. It wasn't clear what the ninjas thought, since they were usually unavailable for comments.

The first mate yawned widely, rubbing the shadows from his eyes. The dawn was almost upon them and the night watch was as dull as they get. The full moon illuminated the whole bay, including the wide stretch of sandy beach, no cover whatsoever. No place to hide, no place to attack from. He was surprised they even bothered with the night watch, tomorrow they'd need everyone at their best. Whatever the captain said, the first mate believed the ninjas were tough bastards, best avoided. But it wasn't his place to question orders, just comment on them maliciously in private.

The sun rose, without incident. The first mate's yawn marked the passage of yet another half-hour, letting him know it was time to wake the captain and prepare for battle.

He stretched, walking below deck, and knocked on the captain's door.

Upon which point all hell broke loose.

Sometime later, the High Council stared in disbelief at the two boys standing before them. Or would have stared, except, of course, there is no such thing as Ninja High Council. And the ninjas do not stare in disbelief, ever.

"Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell. Explain once again, if you please, just what had happened last night," one of the members of the council-that-did-not-exist said, rubbing his forehead.

"Well, we were busy polishing our weapons into a complete lack of shine, preparing the clothes and such."

"Commendable. What happened next?"

"Uh. I was leafing through the ninja handbook, mentally of course, preparing for the fight."

"And then?"

"Well… We snuck on-board the pirate ship and killed the captain."

"And…?" In a gesture that would be classified as sheepish, on anyone other than a ninja, the violet-eyed youth rubbed his own neck, while his companion glared around, rather smugly.

"It started with the first mate, who discovered the late captain. He got into a fight with the second mate," Duo, who was often thrown out of random classes, for his tendency not to stay utterly still the whole time, started gesturing wildly. "He had the meanest right hook. I fear some teeth were knocked loose. The bosun wasn't particularly pleased and decked the first, which gave way to an all-out brawl."

"He means to say," Heero interjected, fearing a blow-by-blow recount, "That they started blaming one another and eventually someone set the gunpowder storage on fire."

"Yeah," Duo nodded vigorously. "And boom! Explosion like whoa!"

The council members looked at each other sideways. There was a moment of silence.

"They deserve commendation, for technique and execution," said one of them.

"True." The two young ninjas breathed in relief. The showdown was supposed to be pretty impressive, designed to determine the better warriors. The problem seemed to be that the art of ninjitsu stated that the proper way to go about winning was to assassinate the leader of the opposition in the dark of the night, leave trails to all of his subordinates and watch the fireworks.

"Very well then. We commend your efforts. Dismissed," said the person in the middle of the table. Duo grinned widely, whirled in place, nearly hitting Heero on the face with his braid, and started walking. Heero reflexively grabbed the braid, wrapping it around his fist, and followed.

The council watched them go in silence.

"So… you reckon we've made our point yet, or will those scurvy knaves continue to challenge us?" one asked eventually.

"It's only the fourth ship. It might take a while."

**END.**


End file.
